feet first

It was over three years ago now that I jumped into the blogging world and today I'm stepping back out. It has been a good way to give others the opportunity to keep track of our lives and in some ways I've enjoyed it. I don't know that I would describe myself as a writer, but I do like to write. I think it is the sense of responsibility and the regularity of maintaining a blog that puts me off. When an idea strikes me or I'm working on a something I care about I'm drawn in and the words flow. At points this happened with the blog, but it wasn't the norm.

So, as I say goodbye here are my final thoughts:

I'm reading an excellent book, which has been deeply encouraging. I don't know if it is some of what is happening in life or if I would have gotten this much out of this book anytime I'd have read it. Spurgeon is both witty, wise, and intimately familiar with Christ and his ways. At different points I've laughed, cried, been encouraged, challenged, and felt God speaking to me.

As you can see Wesley is growing and we are glad for the little boy he is becoming. He is a baby no longer. This is the first week where he's been fully healthy since mid-December, so that has been nice. The down side is that Hillary is sick and has had some sort of illness for the past few weeks. She told me that her perseverance is running out and I can appreciate where she's coming from. Life is pretty full for me as I preach twice this month and I set up the youth calendar from now until June in the next week or so. If you've been keeping up with our blog and would like to know how to stay in touch please contact me us and we'll make sure you get our newsletters.

To close things down here's a quote from Ecclesiastes that I love. It wraps up that enigmatic and beautiful book so well: Of making many books there is no end, and much study is weariness of the flesh. The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.

NYC

Saturday I took a group of teens from our church to hang out in New York for the day and it was exciting. We just made our train from New Haven to Grand Central and same thing on the way back. That morning I told them that whenver I go to New York there is at least one train that I catch just before it leaves the station. I'm kind of used to this, but hopefully it wasn't too stressfull for them. In describing our trip I'll use the first three leters of the alphabet to tell the story...
A: A is for active. Even though I expect the amount of activity in New York it still surprises me. There is so much of everything and it is always in motion. This was the first time there for some of our teens and at points they were definitely overwhelmed. Asking one of the girls on the way home what she thought of it, she responded with uncertainty. Sometimes it is hard to know what to make of the relentlesness of the city. I can see how it could wear you down.
B: B is for beautiful. Above you see some of us standing in this little enclave just off 5th avenue where there are tables and chairs scattered under trees with this beautiful waterfall in the background. The water runs down over uneven stones so that is sounds just like water cascading down rocks in a hidden area of the woods. Everywhere we went there were subtle and overwhelming scenes of beauty, and we only saw a tiny portion of the city. One of the most important things to remember when I think about beauty and New Yor is the people. Everyone you rush by is an actual person with families, friends, joys, sorrows, and stories. When you put all these people together, you see something greater than this little waterfall. New York would be terrifying with no people.
C: C is for commerce. It was interesteing to see the line outside of FAO Schwartz, the iconic toystore, the was four people across and wrapped around to the back of the block. There was also the line outside of the UGG store, Holister, and maybe some other ones. This is somewhat to be expected when you go down 5th Avenue around Christmas time, but it is interesting to stop and think how many people come to New York just to buy things. There is this incredible ammount of commerce that is happening every single moment of every single day. This isn't inherently bad because economies involve buying and selling goods. What if all the people coming to New York to shop for a day or days, did something else? What if everyone came into New York to clean the city, improve the urban landscape, color with sidewalk chalk, partner with non-profits and other service agencies? This isn't to lament or denigrate shopping, because I bought my wife Christmas presents, but maybe another way of looking at things.

Falling behind and ridding the wave...

So, the past two weeks I've been putting off blogging, somewhat out of busyness and also because I'm not sure what to write. Here's the laundry list of what's been happening:

-Hillary and I took four people from church to a counseling conference (Nov 14-17) and we're working on further developing our counseling ministry team. This was an important trip to solidify what we've begun and it will be neat to see what happens as we move into the new year.

-We went away for a night to the Dorset inn (see pic by kidgrifter) where we celebrated five years of marriage. It was wonderful.

-I've turned thirty while spending time with family and friends over Thanksgiving break. It was great to have time with my parents and extended family. Wesley especially enjoyed himself.

-I've worked on plans and goals for ministry in the upcoming year. It has been good to prayerfully create specific objectives that I can work towards in my different areas of responsibility. The biggest challenge will be doing what I've committed to.

-I've finished a great book, Culture Making by Andy Crouch and am processing the thoughts.

-I've had significant conversations about the gospel with individuals who don't believe it yet. This is very exciting and I see some neat opportunities on the horizon.

-We've had lots of people in our home. Hillary threw a surprise party for me this Saturday and 3oish people came by. We continue to enjoy having neighbors, friends, and people from church in our home. Two Sunday's ago we had about eight teens over for lunch and discussion of 1 Timothy 5. It was a delight to be together and to be challenged by the truths of God's word.

-For the next few weeks, life at church is somewhat low key, but then there is a wave that will take me into the new year and we'll have to see where it goes. There is a ministry opportunity at a local college campus and it could be just a small ripple or something much bigger. In talking with the leaders at the church the thought is that I take the surfer approach and start paddling with the wave. If it is a big one, then it will take me and I'll ride it. If not, we'll see soon enough and turn around to paddle out to another wave.

When the Christmas music begins...

Hillary and I were talking about when you start playing the Christmas music and we both agreed that it begins after Thanksgiving. Then, as I was reading in my office today and was getting sleepy I put on some music through Pandora (an Internet radio service). I didn't like the music on the station I was on, so my hand drifted and before I knew it I had selected the Christmas station. When I told Hillary tonight, she said how she'd been wanting to listen to Christmas music as well, and it is on in the background right now. A close friend of mine actually starts listening in late October!
This is an exciting time of year and I'm looking forward to turning my focus towards the coming of the child/king Jesus Christ. I heard one author refer to the incarnation as the "glorious impossibility." It is mind blowing to think of God taking on flesh. There are readings that I go through each year at advent and it is good for my soul to walk that same path year in and out. Following God's story from the beginning of the Hebrew Scriptures through the prophets to the birth of Jesus and then beyond is a wonderful journey on which to participate.

The beautiful end of fall

On Monday, I was in New Haven meeting with one of our community group leaders over lunch and as I left the parking garage there was this stuffing view of blue skies and the profile of the city. Then yesterday Hillary was raking and Wesley was romping in the leaves. With the blue sky, the bright green grass, and the various yellows and browns of the leaves it made me glad for fall. This week has been a little nuts with different meetings and getting things sorted for a conference I'm headed to this weekend. Six of us from church are headed to a counseling Conference down in VA on marriage. It should be a great time of learning, refreshment, and hopefully direction for the counseling ministry at our church. My parents will have Wesley for a few days while we're gone, so it should be an exciting adventure for all.
For the past few months I've continued to think a lot about leadership. It is on my mind more and more, and I wish that I had more to say so far. The big conslusions, are that it is difficult and I can't avoid it. I will be a good leader or a bad leader, but regardless, I will lead. God is definitely refining me and I need to see what he wants me to see. I'm glad that my worth and identity are in Christ, not in my success, progress, or achievements.

back in Delaware

Twelve years ago as a Freshman in college I arrived at the university of Delaware and had no idea I would end up where I am. This weekend I was back in the area for a missions conference at the church I attended through college. It was both fun and a little strange to step back into that world, now that I'm at a totally different place in life. Thinking about my connection to E.P. (Evangelical Presbyterian - the name of the church) there are a few things that come to mind:
-a place of training and development: EP is the first church that I was really connected to as an adult and they took a lot of time to train and develop me. When I first attended there I had no idea what a Presbyterian church was and had a very slim understanding of theology. There were all sorts of people who taught me and then gave me opportunities to use what I had learned. In retrospect I see how important this investment was.
-a place of direction and support: Between my Jr. and Sr. years at college I had a summer internship working with the teenagers at E.P. It was through this time and subsequent conversations that I ended up heading to seminary and then into ministry. There were all sorts of precursors to this decision, but it was the experience of working for the church that helped bring it all together. Then when I went to seminary and eventually came to New England the church was there to help make it happen. Even being there this past weekend I feel like there was guidance that I was able to receive so that I can better serve here in CT.
-a place of friendship: Coming back, after twelve years of being connected it is great to run into people I've known and been loved by over the years. Those long term relationships mean a lot, and it is refreshing to be around people who knew me in my college years.

bicycles and hitting the downhills

Wesley has hit Christmas a little early early this year since we got him (and us) a child's bicycle seat. We figured it'd be silly to wait until December when it is too cold and icy to ride, so we've been enjoying it the past few weeks. We keep the bikes and seat ready to go in our SUV since we have the space and our garage is occupied with materials for my climbing wally. So far Wesley seems to like the box most of all. It forms an awesome tunnel to craw through and a formidable tower to smash and knock over. Hillary and I have definitely enjoyed the times we've been able to take him out for rides, though it is a little different getting used to the weight distribution near the back of the bicycle. With him on the bike I cruise even faster on the downhills, but I need to be even more in control.
With ministry as of late I feel like it is an interesting mix of terrain. Sometime I'm peddling hard to make it up a long incline and am surprised to find that it evens out sooner than I thought. At other points I think I get to cruise and instead it is a long uphill push. At our prayer meeting last night one of the people praying was referring to Isaiah 6 where Isaiah says, "Here I am. Send me." She confessed that for a while she had been saying, "I'm here..." non-chalantly and had a growing sense that she must say, "Here I am!" I could identify with what she said and I think God has been teaching me to be more deliberate and purposeful in my work. I've been thinking more and more about leadership and have been asking God to lead me to be a leader. I think he is taking me along that path.

undoing prejudice

It is really easy to get frustrated when road work or similar public works projects take longer than expected. But as I think about my home projects, especially building this climbing wall in my garage, it makes perfect sense. I've had my second three hour set of construction (with others helping of course) and progress is painfully slow. I'm not handy and this is more complicated than I thought it would be - yikes!
This kinda relates to the idea of prejudice but not really. Some it has to do with looking down on others as inept or "less," when I am lenient with myself when the same things happen. The reason prejudice is on my mind, is the sermon our pastor preached yesterday. James 2:1-4 talks about favoring the rich over the poor and when you look more intently at your life you can see all this preferential treatment that you extend to others, based on what you value. It is one thing to identify prejudice in your life and a whole other to root it out. I've been thinking as to how Jesus undoes the prejudices within us all. While a lot of things came to mind, here are the two big ones.
First, he undoes our need for prejudice. We look down on others to lift ourselves up. When we know the love Jesus has for us, despite being undeserving, we don't need to make our way up in the world by stepping on others. Second, he gives us a common object of love. When we are loved by God we love him in return. One of things that unites people is a common love. Random people in a football stadium can experience a deep sense of unity and oneness as the cheer for the same team. and a few things come to mind. Instead of loving ourselves, our position, our power, reputation, or all other sorts of things we love God and this love will unite us with all sorts of other people who love the same God.

Babie and Apples

Last week, over the course of about 72 hours there were three babies born to families in our church. It was a fun and exciting time checking my email and seeing announcements of names, weights, lengths, and gender continue coming in. Since our Sr. Pastor is out of town teaching I got to do the visits with the families and it has been fun. In the midst of the various birthings we also ended up with the two year old son from one of the families. We were planning on going apple picking that day so we took him along, and he and Wesley had a blast. They both loved yanking the apples off the trees - we ended up picking ~30lbs. I started munching on one of the apples I picked and the boys both wanted some, so I bit off the skin and let them give it a try. They were both liked biting the apple and kept getting closer and closer to me as they wanted to eat more the apple. It was a great time. The rest of the week was pretty nuts, between a youth overnight, preaching on Sunday, and visiting mom's in the hospital. I'm glad that this week is going to be more low key.

NYC, Boston... Paris, Milan...

This was a week of city hopping for Hillary as she was in NY on Wednesday and Boston on Friday and Saturday. I was joking with her about where she would be next week and we agreed it should be Paris, Milan, and Barcelona. Hillary went to New York with my mom and sister to see wicked (her birthday present). Then the two of us were in Boston for a conference called, "From Embers to a Flame," which focused on church revitalization. So here's the summary of our experiences:
1. Hillary liked Boston more than New York (it was interesting to visit both in the same week) and we could see ourselves in Boston at some point in life. Who knows whether it will happen, but Saturday was an amazing fall day and the church hosting the conference was right on Boston Common.
2. Revitalizing churches is just as important as starting new ones. This seems kinda obvious, but I learned a lot about this concept of revitalization and it gave me a lot to think about.
3. Wesley generally behaves well when we leave him with others. This was our first time away together since we had Wesley and it went well. We need to do this again, except go away for vacation and not a conference.
4. There were about 20 of us at this conference from our church and it will be great to get together and process all the different things we were learning about. There were various points for reflection interspersed between the teaching sessions and I'm looking forward to hear what other people learned and how we can synthesize this into a coherent whole so we can move forward as a church.

a parade of children

We had a combined community group at our house and this is the procession of the ten children meandering down the road towards the playground at the end of our block. We had stragglers at the back and fast walkers at the front, so it took some work to keep everyone together, but it was good. Before they left and after they returned it was pretty nuts with all of them milling around the house. I wasn't watching Wesley at one point and he reached up on the table and grabbed some chili-lime cashews. They have quite a kick, so one of the other moms grabbed him, but that was after he had already downed a few. He just drank some milk and was okay, but it's probably a little early to be itroducing him to the pleasures of spicy foods. It was fun to have all the people in our home, and it is pushing me to do more thinking about the nature of community groups with families. At what point do we shift how we do things to include the children in the "spiritual" aspects of our meeting?

back and building

So we had a great time in the mid-west visiting supporters and friends in St. Louis and Nashville. We got back on Friday night and are still readjusting. On the way home Wesley was awakw for 9.5hours, which was totally nuts. He's getting back on schedule and both of us are resuming the things we normally do. It is great to get back into a routine.

There were a lot of great things about being away and I'll mention two. First, it was neat to encourage people about what God has been doing in having us here in CT. Second, as various people asked us about our life and what we see God doing, it was a great opporutnity to reflect. There's lots more I could say, but I'll leave it at that.

In addition to builing stuff back up at church, I'm also building a climbing wall in our garage. You can see some of the equipment that just came in the mail. I'm excited It should happen Saturday!

On the road again

We're more than half way through our trip visiting ministry supporters and friends in the mid-west. It is somewhat of a flash back to three years ago when we started this adventure. We have had a lot of coffees and lunches then gave a brief report at our former church in St. Louis. Today we're in Nashville, getting our bearings and then meeting with a group of supporters tomorrow night. It has been a lot of fun to see people and places from different points in life, but it is also wearying. We haven' t had a normal day for since last Tuesday and it is catching up. I'm noticing the meagreness of my patience when I don't get regular time with God and when my schedule is all over the place. As we've been able to reflect on this trip we're continuing to gain perspective on our role in CT and refining our thoughts on how to best connect with supporters. We are glad that we have this opportunity to thank those who have partnered with us in ministry and to encourage them that God is at work in New England.

Time away and then again

We went down to my parents house for a long weekend and got back Sunday night. It was relaxing. Thursday, while Hillary was with college friends and my parents were working I took two naps (one in the morning and one after lunch with my grand pop). It was amazing. I can't remember the last time I've had two naps in one day. Besides the luxury of napping, it was good to have time with my family and they enjoyed having us (especially Wesley) there. He went on wagon rides, played in the pool, ran through the sprinkler, jumped on a trampoline, was pushed in the swing, ate ice cream, and had all sorts of extra attention. Sometimes when I go away it is hard to leave work behind and even when I do, I don't necessarily relax. This time I was able to do both. I worked on a few things, but wasn't preoccupied. The only thing I would have liked to play out differently was more time with God. There were some great lulls in the activity where I could read or pray, but there were many points where I was disconnected from that reality.
This week we're heading to St. Louis and Nashville to follow up with supporters from the past three years. We're looking forward to the trip, but a little apprehensive as we think about Wesley's schedule and how that will be affected by travel and a time zone change. Another aspect that is a little strange is that we'll be missing church for the second Sunday in a row. With so much of our focus directed towards our away it is easy to feel disconnected from life in West Hartford. Teens started school last week and it will be another two weeks till I see many of them and hear how it has gone. I wonder how it is for God who sees all these different places and times happening, yet it is all integrated into one whole. My life can be so disjointed at points yet his is seamless, fully integrated, into one masterful picture. It is hard, as a created being, to think of the ways of creator.

two weeks off...

...but it wasn't all vacation. I've been derelict in writing on our blog so here's a brief update on the past two weeks. August 16th-21st we were on vacation. We left Monday morning for the RI beaches and came back early Friday morning (more about that later). We stayed at a bed & breakfast in North Kingston for three nights then camped out one evening at a State Park further south. There are fun pictures of Wesley playing on the beach, learning how to jump, and enjoying the tent, but we haven't uploaded those yet. It was nice to get away and Wesley definitely enjoyed himself. There were aspects of it which were fun and relaxing for us, but at certain points it was hard having Wesley there. It worked out well with the bed and breakfast we stayed at, as they had a small farm with chickens, goats, and a friendly dog. The primary challenge was the attention Wesley required and secondary part was the disappointment we experienced over some of the things we would have liked to have done as a couple, but couldn't do as a family.
The reason we returned so early Friday morning is that Wesley got up at 5am when we were camping. The sun hadn't risen, but we needed to take him somewhere where he wouldn't wake up others in the campground. In the twilight I took him over to the playground and as we were playing he looked to the east and started pointing. The sun was rising a brilliant red and as it came over the horizon a front end loader was silhouetted against it. I wasn't sure if he was pointing to the rising sun or the construction equipment, but either way he was happy.
After getting back and working a few days, Hillary and I went to the Pilot Penn Tennis Tournament at Yale. It is one of the tournaments that helps players warm up for the US Open. Hillary has been to many tournaments, but this was my first one and was lots of fun. It was a grey chilly day and up in the stands we needed coffee to stay warm (even with our jackets on). These two trips were a nice end to the summer, but we're not exactly ready for everything that comes with the fall.

God cares about me and my cell phone

When I can't find my cell phone charger I go through the various rooms of our house flipping the lights on and looking at all of the outlets to see where I most recently plugged it in. After I've looked at the outlet behind the couch, under the living room chair, and the few other odd places it might be and still can't find it, I start to pray. Monday night I was on my knees peering under our coffee table looking for the charger and when I couldn't find it I figured that I would ask God for help while I was on my knees. I got up afterwards and as I was headed to look elsewhere I remembered a CD that I wanted to grab from the stereo. As I looked for it, I found my charger sitting on top of the CD player and thanked God. This may seem coincidental but this process of searching, praying, and finding regularly repeats itself with my cell phone charger and other objects that I misplace (Mp3 player, watch, blue-tooth etc). It amazes me that Jesus came to this earth and suffered so that I could be in relationship with God and come to him about these things I keep misplacing. Wow.

Time outside

The past few days it has been cooler and it has been wonderful to be outside. We had family friends in town and visited Elizabeth Park (beautiful gardens) and Hillstead (a house/museum with sprawling grounds). We had a wonderful time together and being out and about inspired me to spend more time outside this week. So today I went by Hillstead after a meeting and was able to read, write, and pray while sitting under the shade of an old tree. In the midst of the summer heat I can forget the enjoyment, creativity, and energized thinking I experience when I work outside. Even listening to NPR this morning as I drove to work there was a report about companies incorporating gardens into the landscapes of their campuses and the beneficial effect on workers. This is something good to think about.

Wesley is continuing to grow up and is looking more and more like a little boy. He is no longer a baby. This is somewhat sad at points, but I like kids more than babies and it is all part of the process. We are having lots of fun together and look forward to my mom coming up this weekend. We continue to have fuller weekends and slower weeks and this is a nice change for the summer.

teaching prayer and an amazing sandwich

I've been reading this book the past month or two and just finished it yesterday. Hughes Oliphant Old, which is quite a name, opens up a wealth of information on leading in prayer. You can tell that he has read and thought deeply about public prayer. This books is historical, theological, and highly practical. He looks at the different ways we pray in church and provides a deep analysis of each and then prayers that he has written based off of his studies. What strikes me is both the depth and simplicity with which he composes these prayers. His prayers are not particularly long or drawn out but in their sum cover so much of human life as seen through the lens of the scriptures. This book has shown the path to a deeper practice of prayer and encouraged me to walk down it.
Yesterday i went to Nardelli's a well known deli in CT to meet with a college student who was in our youth group. They asked if I wanted the foot long or the half sandwich, and being a hungry guy, I ordered the foot long without hesitation. I'm not sure the picture to the right does the sandwich justice. It is about four inches wide, four inches tall and a foot long. It is a serious undertaking to try and eat one of these! I was pleasantly full after eating half, so I had the other half for dinner.

moving fast

This past Thursday through Saturday I was hiking with teens in the White Mountains of NH and it was awesome. You can see us on the summit of Mt. Madison. I love being above the tree line. The views are amazing, the wind is always blowing, and it is much cooler. It's fun to have a hat and long sleeve shirt and be just warm enough when at first your sweating like crazy as you hike through the woods for the first few miles. We were able to get up to the summit and back down before the weather got nasty. A neat aspect of this year's trip was our focus on Psalm 19. It starts out, "The heavens declare the glory of God and the skies proclaim the work of his hands..." We read this a few times during the trip and had a great time talking about the reality of God's beauty and power streaming through what he has made. There were no major injuries, we all ate well, and got back there and back in a reasonable amount of time. It was an energizing trip.

As I was thinking about hiking up mountains and trying to keep people moving, it reminded me of this photo of Wesley. There is a special setting on my camera to take pictures of "fast moving children" and as you can see, it isn't very effective! He is on the go al ot and we enjoy it. He loves playing in the pool, throwing balls, and is just starting to sit down with books by himself. He especially likes the ones with pictures of household objects and the corresponding words. He'll point at forks, spoons, bread, tables, bathtubs and we'll tell him what he's pointing at. It is lots of fun.

Off to the mountains

This week is one of my favorites for the summer because I'll take some of our teens hiking in the White Mountains of NH. I'm not sure what it is, but there is something wonderfully freeing and sometimes almost intoxicating about being in wild places. The summit of Mt. Washington is pretty busy and built up because you can drive there or take a rail car up the mountain. Otherwise, there are miles of trails to wander. You'll pass other groups of hikers now and then but often it's just us and the trees. I'll put up some pictures next week and tell a story or two.